Who Will Buy My White Sand?

The Last Photos From My Camera

"Companion"

"PBJ"

"Heavy Mind"

"Quiet on the Set" - taken before the show ZAP! at Tualatin High School on set.

"Climbers"

"Hikers"

"Rock Man"

"The Path"

"Lost Stairway"

"Serenity" - Saddle Mountain, Oregon

Theory of Knowledge

                                                       "Starry Night" by Vincent Van Gogh

                

                To say that nothing is real until you yourself perceives it to be real is weak standpoint, because then that would mean through that premise, logically, everything you believe to be real, is. At one point in time we believed that Earth was at the center of the universe, and so it was until we now believe otherwise. Our perception changed. We learned that our solar system is heliocentric and that the pin holes in the blanket that surrounds the earth is actually the millions of other stars that resemble our own Sun.

               Perception is an ever-changing thing due to advancements in technology, values, speech, and other ways of knowing. This would mean that either that the truth is always changing or that due to our lack of or development of perception we are always learning a better truth. There is no empirical or hypothetical proof that the growth of perception and knowledge among society will ever come to a halt, which insinuates that there is no “absolute truth” that will ever be available to us. 

              The “absolute truth”, if it ever could exist, would only be available to some kind of Supreme Being that can perceive all independent variables, know all outcomes, and truth of all dependent information. This is considered impossible, but due to the validity of the argument, it is also believed to be very probable. In less than 100 years we went from no knowledge of flight travel to space travel. Can you honestly tell me that our species will never learn to enhance their own DNA and become supreme beings of larger perceptions and knowledge?

Hold on to your Butts...

Imagine it’s a summer afternoon on a country lake. You are fishing on a small boat in solitude, and the water is so still you feel you can almost walk on the glass-like surface. As the afternoon slips on without a bite or catch, you drift off in a calm sleep. Only when the midsummer night’s breeze wakes you up do you open your eyes. Only instead of the expected arrangement of a summer night sky, you see all black as if there were an enormous rain-cloud overhead. No moon glare, no stars, no light to see for miles around. As you try and focus on finding some kind of constellation, there is a sudden pause in sound and motion all around you. Then a beam of light shines on you, just you, and for seconds you do not exist (at least all at once). .. You have been abducted by aliens, but everything is okay. Under constant vigilance, you will survive.

It’s very important to keep a cool head the entire time. The process of abduction is instantaneous. From the moment you are wondering what the shiny lights are, you are dematerialized and put back together on the spacecraft. Right after you’ll have four to five seconds to wonder “what the fuck just happened to me?”,  and then the common thing to do is freak out. This is highly not recommended and just plain humiliating to the human race. Stay calm and don’t panic! You’re not in any immediate danger, you didn’t smoke some bad reefer, and this isn’t a dream (you’re not that creative) .  If you are floating its okay, you’re not dead; you are in an anti-gravity chamber – This is common with advanced technological species. Make sure to hold your bladder, zero gravity and urine can make for an interesting mess.   After some of these realizations, it will be easier to restore yourself to a respectful condition.

If you are having trouble coping with your current situation, try and think of some positive assumptions and outcomes: Since they did not kill you immediately, it must mean there not invading Earth. This could only mean two things: they want to study you or they want to eat you. The quickest way to tell is when you first see the extraterrestrials. If they are grey and look like the typical alien, they are of the advanced and superior species and completely friendly with the human race as long as we keep supplying them with their weird fetish for cows. Under the circumstances that they look like humans, they most likely are allies and will not harm you. In the case of giant-pry-mantis looking aliens, they of most certain fate will eat you. Drooling is the most common sign of hunger and/or anticipation of a good meal (you). If necessary, die honorably. Fear and hysteria will only hurt you in the long run.  On second thought, do not over-anticipate these outcomes for it can cause extreme anxiety.

Cooperation will be tricky if they are telepathic communicators. They will put pictures in your head that will confuse you at first but will start to understand them gradually. When they start sending images of the dairy cow, whatever you do don’t think about steaks, burgers, or beef in general… Coincidentally, aliens are Hindu. It would be considered disrespectful to picture a lovely bovine sandwich.

No one likes an obnoxious prisoner, so don’t be a trouble maker. If you are cooperating respectfully you will avoid unnecessary sedatives, threats, and needless struggle. It will be uncertain on how long you may have to be amiable. They could test you for hours or days. After you are “probed” of all the information you possess, you will be on your journey home.

Under vigilance, cooperation, and optimism, grey-men-probing-danger isn't inconveniencing in theory. If the whole ordeal goes over well they’ll erase your memory and it will be like they never rocked your boat. Sure, there will be some “sore” products of the incident, but time heals all wounds and post-traumatic stress. For all anyone knows, you might have already been abducted.

Garden of Light

The sun is omnipresent, but the zephyr is fresh on my bare body. As I walk on the soft soil, and viridian grass, I see Evelyn approach from the great tree bearing the fruit that has been forbidden to us. I notice that a small portion of it is gone as her beautiful figure glides towards me.

As I look into her eyes I don’t see the usual look of content and comfort instead something else entirely rests in her eyes. She leaves no room in between us when she presses her body up to mine. She leans in next to my ear and whispers gently…

“Taste it.”

She looks at me with her bright blue eyes that carry the same look that brings a sense of something I can’t fathom…She feeds me the forbidden fruit that she carries. I can smell the ripeness as it glides magnificently to my lips. Without leaving her gaze with my own, I take a bite.

As soon as the apple touches my tongue I am amazed; I can see everything. Staring at her eyes my narrow vision is taken down. I see her eyes but behind them desire, her lips perfect and soft carry a need, and her skin smooth and pale is offered for my conquering. I am enlightened of our bodily attraction and even though its wrong I know it feels so rewarding. Just like Evelyn, I take what is forbidden to me.

We embrace right there, in the garden of light.

Death and Dying

   To know death I feel that first we must have a clear grasp on what life is. I have perceived many things in my travels and experiences, but I have only lived two decades on this known plane of existence. I hear that there are sea turtles who have lived 5 times that – where does that put me on the Earth’s wisdom scale?

My grandmother died in 2001 when I was nine years old. My grandma was the first close relative that has passed from this life and it took a heavy toll on our family. She taught me a lot about life, piano, knitting, and some social skills that make me who I am today. As a family we honestly didn't know what to do, so my aunt, who works at a funeral home, did all the necessary arrangements for her cremation and burial. This I found was really hard. \It’s an obligation to safely dispose the body as soon as possible, so before we knew what was happening our beloved grandmother was reduced to a shoe box of ash. Our grandfather decided on a burial at sea (which is confusing because we were all pretty sure she hated the Pacific Ocean). My cousin sang “Amazing Grace” which was beautiful but hard to hear over the splash of the waves and the crying. When the captain suggested we say a few words we were dumbfounded because our family’s dialogue in general usually only consists of a few words. Why my cynicism? It’s my attitude toward funerals. I have to agree with the criticism toward American traditional funeral practices. It’s a morbid and depressing way to mourn the death of a loved one. Not only are you expected to ball your eyes out but you are encouraged to think of your own mortality too? I’d much rather celebrate their life in ceremony or maybe even through living my life. If we truly believe that they are in a “better place”, then why mourn their departure? If anything, bless them for the lives they lived and live your own life in a way that honors them. A comedian once said that he would like for his funeral to be a disco party. It isn't written anywhere that we can’t, so why not?

I have traveled to many places where death wasn't a stranger. When you walk in a room or building like this it is very distinctively recognizable. You can smell death; I can reassure anyone this and have known this myself since I was eight years old walking through the dungeons of old castles in England. I have seen shadows walk down hallways, children playing then disappearing, and felt energies that I can’t explain. When I was little I often played Ouija board with my brother and cousins and we would communicate to the spirits in the house. Whenever we did play I could feel the spirit hang over me to move the glass piece. To anyone who doesn't know what that feels like, it’s a very cold and draining sensation (chill on the back your neck and spine).

            Regarding the afterlife, I have asked a great number of people what they think happens to them when they die (great conversational piece), and I got a large spectrum of answers from different types of people. I've had people say that they don’t think they have a soul and people say that they have lived another life before. I almost made a documentary with a friend of mine who is a film maker but we were restricted by time and other projects. I got responses from a medium, a soldier who buried mass graves; a choir director who has had his friends killed in front of him, a man who was dead for a half of an hour, a priest, and many college students. The medium (I have seen this medium do a great many things and I have no doubt in my mind that what she says is true. She doesn't make money off her gift unless it’s to discourage pests from following her and her talent is genuine and only shared with friends) said that all religions are worshiping the same entity, and that there is only one creator who made it all, and when we die that we are greeted by our loved ones in the light... The man who died for a half of an hour didn't say much to me but his wife did say that when he woke up in the hospital he told her that he was truly “home” where he was. I imagine this to be the light that is referred in the documentary I watched on Near Death Experiences. In  Life After Life,  Dr. Raymond Moody investigates case studies of people who were clinically dead and then revived. All cases talk about an ever loving euphoric light that permeates you with love. I don’t believe there is a hell; I don’t believe that an ever-loving and merciful creator made a place for you to suffer. I’d like to think that we are here to love and that is our purpose on Earth. I’ve asked people who are Catholic, Christian and Jewish, if Heaven is where you get to go if you live the “good life” what makes you a bad enough person to go to Hell? It is common belief that all men sin, and that Hell is where all the sinners who don't accept God in there life go. The only problem with this is that I know too many GOOD people who don't believe in God, who don't go to church on Sundays, and who make mistakes to believe they are all going to Hell and damnation. The only conclusion I come up with regarding Hell is that it is a materialization of our human fear of death. We fear whats after the end and Hell is probably the worst of our fears. We are self aware of our sin and mistakes and we naturally feel shame and guilt that drive us to believe we don't deserve an end in the light. 

     The truth is no one can know what really goes on afterlife until their dead, but I’d like to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that my loved ones are there waiting to celebrate what love I have given to the world and to the light. I have no reason to believe that there is a Hell and even if there was I don’t believe I am going there. Am I afraid of death? Not for what happens after death, but I am not looking forward to the day I leave this Earth. I very much want to live a long and loving life with my future family and make children that will carry on my love. When I’m old and start to lose autonomy I’d like to hold my significant other and pass in my sleep with a smile. That is my “good death” after a “good life”.

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