Death and Dying

   To know death I feel that first we must have a clear grasp on what life is. I have perceived many things in my travels and experiences, but I have only lived two decades on this known plane of existence. I hear that there are sea turtles who have lived 5 times that – where does that put me on the Earth’s wisdom scale?

My grandmother died in 2001 when I was nine years old. My grandma was the first close relative that has passed from this life and it took a heavy toll on our family. She taught me a lot about life, piano, knitting, and some social skills that make me who I am today. As a family we honestly didn't know what to do, so my aunt, who works at a funeral home, did all the necessary arrangements for her cremation and burial. This I found was really hard. \It’s an obligation to safely dispose the body as soon as possible, so before we knew what was happening our beloved grandmother was reduced to a shoe box of ash. Our grandfather decided on a burial at sea (which is confusing because we were all pretty sure she hated the Pacific Ocean). My cousin sang “Amazing Grace” which was beautiful but hard to hear over the splash of the waves and the crying. When the captain suggested we say a few words we were dumbfounded because our family’s dialogue in general usually only consists of a few words. Why my cynicism? It’s my attitude toward funerals. I have to agree with the criticism toward American traditional funeral practices. It’s a morbid and depressing way to mourn the death of a loved one. Not only are you expected to ball your eyes out but you are encouraged to think of your own mortality too? I’d much rather celebrate their life in ceremony or maybe even through living my life. If we truly believe that they are in a “better place”, then why mourn their departure? If anything, bless them for the lives they lived and live your own life in a way that honors them. A comedian once said that he would like for his funeral to be a disco party. It isn't written anywhere that we can’t, so why not?

I have traveled to many places where death wasn't a stranger. When you walk in a room or building like this it is very distinctively recognizable. You can smell death; I can reassure anyone this and have known this myself since I was eight years old walking through the dungeons of old castles in England. I have seen shadows walk down hallways, children playing then disappearing, and felt energies that I can’t explain. When I was little I often played Ouija board with my brother and cousins and we would communicate to the spirits in the house. Whenever we did play I could feel the spirit hang over me to move the glass piece. To anyone who doesn't know what that feels like, it’s a very cold and draining sensation (chill on the back your neck and spine).

            Regarding the afterlife, I have asked a great number of people what they think happens to them when they die (great conversational piece), and I got a large spectrum of answers from different types of people. I've had people say that they don’t think they have a soul and people say that they have lived another life before. I almost made a documentary with a friend of mine who is a film maker but we were restricted by time and other projects. I got responses from a medium, a soldier who buried mass graves; a choir director who has had his friends killed in front of him, a man who was dead for a half of an hour, a priest, and many college students. The medium (I have seen this medium do a great many things and I have no doubt in my mind that what she says is true. She doesn't make money off her gift unless it’s to discourage pests from following her and her talent is genuine and only shared with friends) said that all religions are worshiping the same entity, and that there is only one creator who made it all, and when we die that we are greeted by our loved ones in the light... The man who died for a half of an hour didn't say much to me but his wife did say that when he woke up in the hospital he told her that he was truly “home” where he was. I imagine this to be the light that is referred in the documentary I watched on Near Death Experiences. In  Life After Life,  Dr. Raymond Moody investigates case studies of people who were clinically dead and then revived. All cases talk about an ever loving euphoric light that permeates you with love. I don’t believe there is a hell; I don’t believe that an ever-loving and merciful creator made a place for you to suffer. I’d like to think that we are here to love and that is our purpose on Earth. I’ve asked people who are Catholic, Christian and Jewish, if Heaven is where you get to go if you live the “good life” what makes you a bad enough person to go to Hell? It is common belief that all men sin, and that Hell is where all the sinners who don't accept God in there life go. The only problem with this is that I know too many GOOD people who don't believe in God, who don't go to church on Sundays, and who make mistakes to believe they are all going to Hell and damnation. The only conclusion I come up with regarding Hell is that it is a materialization of our human fear of death. We fear whats after the end and Hell is probably the worst of our fears. We are self aware of our sin and mistakes and we naturally feel shame and guilt that drive us to believe we don't deserve an end in the light. 

     The truth is no one can know what really goes on afterlife until their dead, but I’d like to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that my loved ones are there waiting to celebrate what love I have given to the world and to the light. I have no reason to believe that there is a Hell and even if there was I don’t believe I am going there. Am I afraid of death? Not for what happens after death, but I am not looking forward to the day I leave this Earth. I very much want to live a long and loving life with my future family and make children that will carry on my love. When I’m old and start to lose autonomy I’d like to hold my significant other and pass in my sleep with a smile. That is my “good death” after a “good life”.